The Green Cross Code for Saigon

 

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OK children, let's revise what we've learned so far about the Green Cross Code for crossing the road here in Saigon.

I'm particularly looking at you Johnny because I think you may have brought some misunderstandings with you because you're from England. You will need to pay great attention. 

First of all, tell me how we start. 

"I know this one sir! We find a safe place to cross"

What exactly do you mean by 'a safe place to cross'? Do they have such places in England? And how would that help here in Saigon, where the idea of 'safe' and 'unsafe' is so, well, unsafe in itself? 

So leaving aside Johnny's suggestion, how do we start our crossing?

"I know this one sir! We stop at the kerb!"

Waste of time! That will just confuse the motorbike riders. And you know that all kerbs here are sloping, so as to help parking the 7 million motorbikes which there are in Saigon. So you may stop and find yourself sliding into the gutter regardless. So what next?

"We wait until the road is clear and nothing is coming?"

How long have you been here? Have you ever seen a road where nothing is coming? I've lived here my whole life and never seen such a thing!

So how do we cross?

"Wait until the traffic stops? Perhaps?"

I'm afraid I am going to have to describe the process in detail. You wait until no very large vehicle such as a bus is right next to you (because that would block the sight-lines of your fellow road-users). Then you step into the traffic. Not right in front of a moving car, but 30 metres is quite Ok. For motorbikes it is much less, as they are so agile, like fish in a river. 10 metres is fine for motorbikes. Make eye contact. They will decide whether to pass in front of you or behind you. Nobody will hit you. Frankly, you could even be blindfolded and nobody will hit you. But don't try that, just in case a westerner is driving. 

And when you get back to England, Johnny, I would like you to think whether you feel safer there, with the barriers and fences and pelican crossings, where everything is based on rules and little is based on common sense. Or whether perhaps you feel safer here, where safety comes through the ever-present danger of swarms of millions of motorbikes, but people at least all spend their road-time watching each other and working out quite carefully how not to hit each other. Which would you choose, Johnny?