Making New Memories - another one for the list

 

Gosh I may be getting more curmudgeonly as I age. I'm afraid I am going to add this apparently innocous and well-intended phrase to my hit-list. It's not that I can promise never to say this phrase, but it may turn out that way.

The context in which this phrase is used is when someone has a terminal illness, even if that illness is simply their old age and the facts of our mortal coil. It has also been used by many writers that I enjoyed and respected, for example in accounts by palliative care professionals who were explaining the process and joys of enabling a good death. 

So usually the example would be something like: "It was good to have those last few months to make new memories with Mum", and it does express a good and positive attitude that our joy in life is the best defence that we have against any fear of death or loss. 

My only problem with it, to which you may well respond "pah!", is that the purpose of our time together is not to consciously make memories that we can gorge on and consume when the loved one has died. It is much more important than that. The point of all life and of all time that we spend with the people we love, is to be completely present in our animal selves (yes, even your granny has an animal self), and just inhale the transient joy of being alive in the company of people who touch our hearts. There is a passionately-felt memory in the later recollection, but that is quite a different animal than the moment in time that was 'now' when you lived it. 

I suppose what I am saying is drink deep in all those times when you are with the people you love (and even when you are with those you don't live, to be honest). Do not see them as fodder for your comfort on the future. They are in fact the only form of life that we really have.