Instinct versus thought

 

Oof, another philosophical one. But, as usual, bear with me and I'll explain. 

This post is essentially a synthesis of various observations and oddities (and a few scientifically-observed facts) that have struck me over the years, about the way that we control our own actions and, in certain cases, control our own thoughts. 

I love to think of myself as a rational being, who thinks about things and decides what to do. I believe very few people like to think of themselves as irrational bundles of instincts and reaction, who act without thinking. No different than the brute animals of the field. OK, looking back at that sentence and thinking about some people I know, maybe 'very few' is overstating my case.

It's not just that I dislike the idea of fate and an unchangeable destiny and future (who do you take me for, Dostoevsky?) but it really does feel that within my head I am 'deciding what to do' and basically making my arms and legs (and other body parts) do my bidding. It might make me feel like a walking corporation of which I am CEO, but that is genuinely how it feels to be 'me'. 

However. However there are a few moments in which I doubt this corporate narrative. I was just playing a particular reel (Julia Delaney's since you ask) and it has a second part that is really difficult on the flute, with strange syncopations across finger positions you would rather not syncopate. It was murder to learn, but now I can play that second part fluently and in time. Unless I think about it. 

When I try to think about these particular digits and limbs doing this particular action, if I think about it I can't do it. I can only do it by not thinking about it. So which part of me is in control of Julia Delaney? It can't be my digits; I'm not an octopus after all (they have distributed brain centres in their limbs, as you all knew). And it can't be my conscious mind, because that mind buggers it up. So is it a second brain or part of my brain, or a combination of nerves and a tune centre of whose location in my brain I am unaware? And the narrative of thought controlling action is now looking partial. 

Another example that strikes me is the way that we laughably talk of the five senses of sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch, when we clearly have far more ways than this of perceiving the world. Think of it: when you are accelerating in a car or on a runway you can feel it in your body somewhere; you can also work out which way up you are without those five. You can work out where your hand is in relation to the rest of your body, even with your eyes closed. In fact there must be dozens of things that we can perceive with our bodies. Which brings me to intuition. I am convinced that when we say we had an instinct about someone or something, we are actually just describing things we noticed without realising that we noticed them. We are ferociously observant, even if some of the observing is not being done by our conscious minds. You feel negatively towards your partner because you have subconsciously noticed a faint smell of someone else on them. You choose to avoid an area because you have subconsciously noticed something like a faint smell of burning, or skunk, or petrol and your mind does the computation without you being aware of it. And afterwards you tell yourself "I don't know why I changed my route, maybe it was my guardian angel" And maybe in a way it was, if you count all of our unconscious mind as a complex device to keep us alive. 

There is another angle to this, which comes from psychology (according to the books I have read, which is the limit of my qualifications in this matter). The gist of it is, and this is something that my youngest is very keen to tell me, brain sensing experiments can show that sometimes our explanation for an action comes after the action has already started. So we act first and think second, even if the time-scale is short. So if we started the action before we thought about it, did we really choose to do it? Or did we just make up an explanation for something that our subconscious actually commanded?

My personal belief is that we are, as a species, a bit too caught up in the idea of 'self' and the idea of 'thought'. And as for disembodied souls, don't get me started. It feels as though consciousness (which admittedly enabled much of the collaboration, education, planning, justifying and motivating that gained us our advantage over other species) has overplayed its hand. Just because consciousness is useful, it doesn't mean that it is an appropriate metaphor for what is going on between our ears. Or even for what we say and what we write in blogs. We are after all, when we describe our brains and thoughts, talking about perhaps the most complex device of which we are aware. Just go to Google and type "How many connections are there in a human brain?". And maybe that very brain is simply not up to understanding itself. 

I do not mean by this that we have no way of making choices in our lives. We do, of course. And people's choices tell you plenty about what kind of person they are. I am just saying that there are lots of things going on in our brains and the 'conscious thought' is only part of it. 

And sometimes it is best to just ignore thoughts and let your body make the choice. YOLO.