Granny-isms

The list above was accumulated on my sister's wall at work with gradual additions made by her colleagues. It was a list of some of the phrases which she came out with when the moment required it. Her younger colleagues knew that if someone was being an arse just because they were an arse, my sister would likely say:

"What can you expect from a pig but a grunt."

The phrases that her colleagues wrote down were all what I would call 'Granny-isms', because we know that they originate from our forceful Kilkenny grandmother who raised the nine children on a smallholding in Northumberland. She had a wonderful accent, not at all moderated by sixty years in England, and she had a very memorable way of declaring her opinions or describing how she felt. 

These phrases were passed on by our own mother to us, and we in turn keep them alive. It's not that we do this deliberately, its just what comes out. Here are some examples of them, with explanations where needed. You may have similar versions of them, and you will understand how they come about. 

It's enough to break the heart of a wheelbarrow (When something really pulls at your heartstrings)

You'll be seen from Wallace's Bog (Used when telling you to close the curtains when you have them open in the evening and the light on behind you. I don't know if there were a lot of peeping Toms in that part of Kilkenny, but it seems quite a particular worry)

Sitting there like Callan's Dog (When you are enviously watching someone else eating. This was what the eponymous dog was said to do)

Like Hartle's Pony (another animal comparator, but this pony farted at every step, so you get the picture)

She'll be cutting straws with her arse (surprisingly, and inexplicably, this means that she will be very angry. Go figure)

I like to hear frogs... (this is one of those two part phrases where you say only the first half. The second part of it is 'farting in the stubble'. You use it when someone is giving you far too much talk, and mainly about themselves.)

You can't ride two horses with one arse (pretty self-explanatory, yes?)

Everyone thinks their goose is a swan (commenting on the way that parents overestimate the wonderfulness of their own offspring. And by implication your own parent - possibly the speaker - does the same, so watch out)

He wants to know the far end of a fart and where it's going (ineffably and irritatingly curious)

Tis better to be with the dogs of the road than against them (do not be so picky in the people that you associate with that you totally run out of options. Wind your neck in a bit)

My stomach thinks my throat's been cut (I really need to eat something, right now)

And if you have phrases which your Granny handed down to you and which you can hear in her very own voice when you say them, I urge you to put them in the comments section.