Sex

 I knew that if I started with Death I'd end up here some time. So, what can one say about sex and the way it links and charms or curses ones life? 

I can obviously only speak from my own experience, and also I know that it is just one aspect of life and it's not compulsory at all. Your life can of course be rich and full and joyful without it, just as having children is lovely but not at all compulsory and not something you have to do if you don't want to. 

But if you do want to, sex can be so much joy, whether you also use it to procreate or not. I have heard people say of sex "Even when it's bad, it's good." I don't really hold with that. I think if you are only looking for some kind of release, then why get someone else mixed up on it at all? But when it is not bad, it can be really rather good, and often wonderful. 

I have found that there is a delightful virtuous circle between love and sex, so that the sex seems to increase the love and the love makes the sex better. If you trust someone not to laugh at you ( or to only laugh when you're laughing too) then you can be as silly and abandoned as you want. And being abandoned , letting go, is another thing that good sex - as it seems to me - is all about.

Being able to let go is key. How can you enjoy it fully if you are always second guessing yourself and your partner? You need to have a cliff jumping approach and then everything will work. I think this is difficult for some people, and it is their right for it to be so. If you don't like letting go, then maybe sex isn't for you. 

One thing that I would really like to happen, but which I don't think fits our British sensibilities very well, is for people to be as open about their attitude to sex as they are towards their taste for HP sauce or ketchup. If you do like it, say; if you don't then be equally clear. It's not obligatory and nobody will shame you for it. But I think we have had too many 'Carry on' films to be left with a more Scandinavian or Teutonic approach. We end up blushing or sniggering too early in the conversation. But if you think of all the wasted efforts (towards people who didn't actually like sex) or the loss of joy (with people who didn't make it clear that they did like it) then surely it would help. 

So there, an entire blog post about sex and nobody has fainted yet in the blogosphere. Phew, might be tempted to write about some really controversial subjects next. But as for sex, I have to put it with all the sunsets and sunrise and starling murmurations as one of life's great treats and one which in my personal opinion you should hold close to you and remember happily for all of its joys.